Many changes and effects have taken place. Some not as prominent as they should be. Although at the time I believed,said or wished otherwise. Some of these were due to the care I was receiving from my Doctor, or lack there of. But this blog isn't about blaming a doctor or even what changes are taking place in my body due to HRT. No, I am here to talk about the changes I made in my LIFE today.
After surfing Facebook for a time today I came to a conclusion. I had been looking at my own posts about this past week. What others had said on them, or even what others were posting themselves, and what I was commenting upon. I am not me yet.
I stood up from my computer and went and showered. My intention was to just put on some makeup, dress up, take a couple pictures, then take it all off and go for a walk. I have been known to do this on occasion, especially when I feel down and need to feel more like me.
However after tying my hair back and putting on a undershirt that would go well with the clothes I planed to wear. I noticed something strange in the mirror as I finished applying eye shadow. The features were smoother less angular; sure a facial shadow from just shaving was still apparent; but there was something feminine in the face staring back at me.
I went back to my room and waited for my hair to dry. I surfed Facebook a bit more and wrote in my story as well. Most importantly on my mind was what I had just seen in that mirror. Could I do this I kept thinking.
I had had conversations with a family member before. Talking about the when's I would do this or that. They always seemed to be down the road in the future. Even in my own mind. I realize now I didn't need to wait to be more developed or to loose more weight. I needed this now especially after recent events earlier in the week.
I went back in the bathroom and finished my makeup. I tried using as little foundation and such as possible. It worked. At least in my eyes. I refused to use my forms instead opting for a padded bra I had. I just wanted to appear as me with what I had to work with. It felt great!
Now I can tell you I did take a picture or two. After all one doesn't go through all that work for nothing. That and I have friends that would chase me down if I didn't. As I posted said pic and made it my profile picture on Facebook I started thinking some more. Why should this end here?
I have clothes I am still wearing that no longer fit due to weight loss. I don't even want to wear them because they just aren't me! I WANT TO BE ME! I decided to gather them up and I will either take them to Deseret Industries or trash them.
I no longer want to hide. I can't hide, and I don't want the TEMPTATION around to hide. The clothes MUST GO! Besides a few T-shirts I do like of course.
My mother's reaction to all this was just that. It is at least something compared to her usual silence and indifference. I believe I even witnessed a reluctant acceptance in there.
My mind,heart, and soul are made up. I will continue on and go through with these and other discisons. I may not have many feminine clothes as yet. But I will make due with what I do have for now until I can get more. So now here I am indefinably Visibly Me Maxine Marie!
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