Between Me.....

  The County where I live I suppose is safe enough. If you conform to a certain Religious or Heterosexual lifestyle. Good place to raise a family if you fall into the above categories. However as I have stated and mentioned before I do not. I am Transgender and I am Transitioning.
  Lately it has been becoming more evident I am no longer Biologically just a Man. Physically I am appearing more and more each day how I have always felt inside. With the weight I have lost in recent months that becomes even more evident despite my clothes no longer fitting me.
   I remember a couple months ago becoming more aware of my surroundings. I would see men with hunched shoulders heads down. Obvious signs of low self-esteem something I use to have. I realized I was still carrying myself this way. That was not how I wanted to present myself, not anymore! I corrected it immediately. I lifted my head, stuck out my chest, and my posture took care of the rest!
   It was amazing how fast that became habit. I didn't have to think about it specially on my walks. I noticed I could walk faster that way get my heart pumping and burn more calories. Perhaps that is why. My body liked my new posture and it fit me.
   However, as my femininity become more apparent. I started getting strange looks from people. I wouldn't shave everyday or wear makeup. That probably didn't help. It hurt when I did so something I think is do to a worn out razor. But I am getting off track. Strange looks weren't all I was getting. Insults and Bigotry were shouted and thrown my way.
  I started to hunch my shoulders and bow my head again. I had to remind myself where I hadn't to before to keep my head up! I was afraid I can admit that. I still am. Last night in SLC I didn't have to remind myself about my posture it came naturally to me again. But than I was also fully me. Well as much as I was able to be with what I had to work with LOL!
   Looking back in the year and a half when I first walked onto that Pride Center property and attended that first Transgender Group. I am amazed at how far I have come and grown as a person! I am no longer the same person and yet I am. I know that sounds confusing but when I think about the person that I was back then. It's as if they were made from a different mold and it's been thrown away. Never to return!
  Here I am now about what I wanted to write this Blog about. Fear is apart of living no one can escape that. What one can do is not let it get the best of you. I know that living full-time will change much in my life. I've been preparing for it for awhile now. I am at that point in my life, the tip of the iceberg as I described it last night. I just have to step over it. My transition every day changes more and more about me pushing me forward and I need to step up and move with it.
   I have been in this limbo for what has seemed forever, and than BAM! Limbo is suddenly behind me yet for a while there I couldn't let go. I can let go now. I can be Visibly Me Maxine Marie!