*Girl Talk Included

   My Mother received a phone call from my Aunt yesterday inviting us up for Sunday dinner. What was more was the fact she wished to have us up more often once or twice a month. We both felt that was nice. We do not get out much and I find it nice to be around family even with the past I have had with many of them.
   My Uncle was the second in my Family to accept my transition. Someone other than my Grandmother was nice. It was just nice to know there was another. They may not show it but I know it has been hard for him and his family to understand what I am going through. However they have surprised me with they're politeness and hospitality. Especially my Aunt.
  Many of my family have been entrenched in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon). This Aunt being one of them. I have learned to respect that of late as I make my own peace with God. However they belonging to the Church makes their reactions to my Transition unpredictable and erratic. Frankly it down right scares me! Why you may ask? Because I do not want to loose any of them.
  Again I keep getting surprised by them. They're eldest boys my Twin cousins flat out said to me in their own ways. They wont cut me off. They wont stop talking to me. Most importantly they don't want to loose the person they grew up with. I practically cried for out of all my family these two people mattered above many.
  Back to yesterday's Sunday dinner we were all hanging about waiting for dinner to finish cooking and the eclipse to begin. I told my Aunt about how I looked in the mirror the other night and saw I had a waist. For the first time since I was five I had a waist! What hit me is what she asked me after I said that. She didn't even hesitate. She asked me if I had a dress to wear to show off that waist! I never expected to hear something like that from her! But I responded in turn and told her no not yet though I have a skirt.
  To be included in such casual Girl talk automatically without a second thought means a lot to me. It means somewhere in their minds I am a young woman. That gives me hope for the future that progress can be made in other areas as well and perhaps with other family members. I have a ways to go and more family to talk to but as Visibly Me Maxine Marie I shall go forth with my best foot forward!

Changing Mindsets...

   It's strange how my own mindset has changed. On many things. One is what I am afraid of or rather how I am afraid of it. I go on evening walks, and have been for over a period of a few years now. Before my transition; before the physical changes took place; I could walk without thinking about what may go bump in the night. That changed however when the Hormones began to change my body. As time wore on I needed to wear a Bra. Even a sports Bra made things painfully obvious something was different about me as I walked down the street. I was not full time and I began to worry I may be hurt or worse for appearing in this limbo like state. Tonight as I went on my walk I noticed I no longer worried about such things. No that worry was replaced with a underlying fear. A fear that hovers on the edges of your mind as you walk along at night as a young woman. A fear of what or who may lurk in the shadows. I have been wolf whistled at and other such things and perhaps that has helped instill such a cautionary fear. I am going to start my walks a bit earlier from now on.
   Another mindset, Sexuality. This one to is strange for me to address mostly because I never really have. For pretty much my whole life I have been struggling with my identity. I have never even gone on a date! I use to believe I was attracted to women. Looking back with hindsight I find that really isn't true at all. I didn't want to be with a woman I wanted to be among them. One of their number. I needed to be. Perhaps that is what I perceived as attraction at the time. Lately as my Identity starts to settle at last on its proper course my sexuality has been saying, "Hey! Hey! HEY!" Waving it's arms about trying to grab my attention. I look about and realize that Men are becoming the focus of my attraction. I just don't know if I can do anything about that at this stage in my Transition. I don't want to. I want the man woman relationship and I don't mean just the sex. I mean the actual relationship. It's something that I just can't do till I have had Reassignment Surgery.
  Emotionally my mindset has changed drastically as well. Before my transition my emotions were nothing more than a summer rain storm compared to the raging Hurricane they are now. They have made me stronger to say the least but the turmoil one can experience within as a woman is unimaginable.
   One last mindset is now that I am full-time and working on changing my name now what? I mean I do not have money for Laser removal yet nor surgery. I suppose I just live and wait for my transition to continue to work its magic. However I feel lost again for some reason. What do I do? I am going to put more effort into my writing but I still am striving for more. I must accomplish the end of Visibly Me Maxine Marie!

Full-Time At Last!

  Yesterday. Yesterday was a Blast! I went shopping with my Mother. After we managed to get the Mother"s Day shopping done we hunted down clothing for my new wardrobe. At last a start on being full-time and a major release of much built up depression and tension.
  We started at Dressbarn in Draper were I found a nice skirt that was practically screaming at me from the rack. The clerk helped us find a nice top to go with it as well. I can't wait to wear and show it off! My Mother while at the counter said she needed some "Bling"; and since they were buy one get one half off I got a new pair of earrings as well; and I love them!
   As we left the store we both were very hungry. Carl's Jr became our next stop for a low carb Turkey Burger.  We are on a special diet but that burger was both delicious and satisfying as usual. As we ate my mother asked me now what, Torrids?
  Off to Fashionplace Mall we drove. I love the style of clothing at Torrids and whats more the clothes fit. When we arrived the clerks were once more immediately helpful as they were on my first visit there about a year ago. They get many Transgender customers and are always glad to help out and making you comfortable while in the store.
  I now have a good start on a wardrobe enough to be me and build on. I know it was hard for my Mother to do what she did yesterday. She has come a long way in a short time in regards to acceptance of my transition. However I now know she wishes to see me happy and move forward in the life I was meant to have wherever it may lead me. At last I am Visibly Me Maxine Marie!