Cute? Me? Huh?

   Cute is a term I never thought people would associate with me. I grew up encased in a very shy shell perceiving myself ugly and therefore ugly to the world. I was never comfortable with myself because I wasn't myself. So how is it now I am suddenly an object of Men's attention?
  I know it is something to do with my recent photos of myself. People have been telling me I look good, pretty even. I don't always agree, but sometimes I see a glimmer of beauty come through.
  I use to daydream when I was young what would it be like to be them. Them being the girls I saw at school. A boy telling me I was pretty in my ear, and if I liked him enough perhaps a kiss as a reward on the cheek. But mostly I just wanted to be able to laugh, joke, talk, and even cry as a girl with a group of friends at the lunch table. I suppose that sounds kind of sappy to some of you, but that was me back then. It was all that kept me going even though I knew deep down that would never be able to be.
   Here I am now though years later. I won't mention how many, and things are quite different. I have been on Hormone Replacement Therapy for little over a year now. Many changes have taken place. Biologically, Emotionally, Mentally, and Spiritually for the better. However I don't think my mind was ready to cope just yet with, Men.
   I have been telling people I am concerned with my Identity first and foremost. My Orientation I tell them when they ask will have to wait in line when my Identity has finished working itself out. That is just it though isn't it. One's Identity is always evolving, growing and moving forward. I can't make excuses anymore about my Orientation. Not in light of recent encounters and more that are likely to follow.
  Recent encounters. Yes encounters as in plural, as in I have had more than one so far. Men have been opening up chat with me on Facebook. Usually it was someone that sent a friend request months ago, and we had friends in common. However I never heard anything from them until that chat box popped up on my screen.
  They start out innocent enough and introduce themselves and say how we haven't really interacted all that much. Though a red flag is raised when after the introduction they immediately say you are so beautiful Maxine. They ask about my transition and again tell me how beautiful I am. I humor them a little by giving nonspecific details and information about myself. Frankly by this point they have already begun to creep me out. The info I give them seems to satisfy them somewhat however they soon get around to wanting to meet me and visit with me in person. I am in no way cool with that!
   During one of these recent encounters I saw a friend online and sought her out as a lifeline. I popped up another private chat window with her and told her what was happening. I asked her "What am I doing to attract this?!" She only responded,"Your cute, people see it." Huh?! Not to mention blush!

   Cute? I will say it again a term I would never think people would associate with me. I have had people tell me even before I started HRT that I will be a pretty girl. I couldn't believe them at the time. Not sure I am entirely ready to believe them now. After all all I am really seeing right now is but a glimmer of beauty in my photos or when I look in the mirror.
   It took me thirty years to get to this point in my life. Thirty years to come to grips and start becoming me. How long will I go before I come to grips with the rest of the world and being Visibly Me Maxine Marie in it?