Changing Mindsets...

   It's strange how my own mindset has changed. On many things. One is what I am afraid of or rather how I am afraid of it. I go on evening walks, and have been for over a period of a few years now. Before my transition; before the physical changes took place; I could walk without thinking about what may go bump in the night. That changed however when the Hormones began to change my body. As time wore on I needed to wear a Bra. Even a sports Bra made things painfully obvious something was different about me as I walked down the street. I was not full time and I began to worry I may be hurt or worse for appearing in this limbo like state. Tonight as I went on my walk I noticed I no longer worried about such things. No that worry was replaced with a underlying fear. A fear that hovers on the edges of your mind as you walk along at night as a young woman. A fear of what or who may lurk in the shadows. I have been wolf whistled at and other such things and perhaps that has helped instill such a cautionary fear. I am going to start my walks a bit earlier from now on.
   Another mindset, Sexuality. This one to is strange for me to address mostly because I never really have. For pretty much my whole life I have been struggling with my identity. I have never even gone on a date! I use to believe I was attracted to women. Looking back with hindsight I find that really isn't true at all. I didn't want to be with a woman I wanted to be among them. One of their number. I needed to be. Perhaps that is what I perceived as attraction at the time. Lately as my Identity starts to settle at last on its proper course my sexuality has been saying, "Hey! Hey! HEY!" Waving it's arms about trying to grab my attention. I look about and realize that Men are becoming the focus of my attraction. I just don't know if I can do anything about that at this stage in my Transition. I don't want to. I want the man woman relationship and I don't mean just the sex. I mean the actual relationship. It's something that I just can't do till I have had Reassignment Surgery.
  Emotionally my mindset has changed drastically as well. Before my transition my emotions were nothing more than a summer rain storm compared to the raging Hurricane they are now. They have made me stronger to say the least but the turmoil one can experience within as a woman is unimaginable.
   One last mindset is now that I am full-time and working on changing my name now what? I mean I do not have money for Laser removal yet nor surgery. I suppose I just live and wait for my transition to continue to work its magic. However I feel lost again for some reason. What do I do? I am going to put more effort into my writing but I still am striving for more. I must accomplish the end of Visibly Me Maxine Marie!